Loving Others by Maggie Hammock

Character Matters Essay Contest, 2^nd Place, High School Division

Thousands of historical figures over the years have been documented as having an exceptional moral character, but it can certainly be argued that no one possessed a character as flawless as Mother Teresa. Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta was the absolute epitome of a person of good character. It is often said that a person’s character is truly defined by how they act when no one is looking. Too often, people “edit” their actions when they know they are being watched and evaluated. Mother Teresa proved her strong moral character by never faltering in her efforts to bring a positive change to the slums of India, regardless of whether she was being filmed by the world’s premier news stations, or whether she was alone with a hurting stranger in the privacy of a caretaking facility. Mother Teresa truly proved why character matters through her extensive missionary work in poverty-stricken India; she worked tirelessly for others and consistently poured herself into her work, never worrying about receiving accolades for the work she knew she had been called to do.

One of Mother Teresa’s most noted quotes was “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” Mother Teresa recognized that although a person might look physically healthy, it is loneliness and sadness that are the greatest poverties of all. Mother Teresa knew that everyone is poor in some way, be it fiscally poor, or, worse, poor in mind and spirit. Since she understood that everyone has trials, she did all she could to try to make every single person she encountered richer in some way. Though she was well known for tending to the sick and dying of Calcutta, people often forget that she “healed” those who seemed healthy, as well. Mother Teresa never ceased in her quest to bring aid and love to everyone. She defined what she did as attempting to make everyone feel God’s love through her actions. Thus, Mother Teresa was able to significantly touch the lives of literally every single person she encountered, simply by showing them she loved them by her actions. By never going “off the job”, Mother Teresa gained the status as one of the greatest figures of our time, a status that was made even more unique by the simple fact that she did not desire it. She did what she felt called to do because of her love for Jesus and for all of us made in His image. She loved Him by serving Him in “the distressing disguise of the poor”, not because she aspired to gain personal recognition. Her moral character became legendary, and thus became a living example to others of why character not only matters, but is necessary in a society fraught with problems and sadness.

Mother Teresa is a shining example for me of how to live a life of putting love and faith into action. After her beatification in 2003, I have studied her life and work to a great extent. She has become a great role model for me, and I strive to live by her example of helping the poor in spirit. I live in a fairly affluent area, and the majority of students at my high school are able to live very comfortably financially. Even though most are not fiscally poor, I have witnessed several peers who are indeed depressed and quite lonely. Mother Teresa describes the worst poverty to experience is that of loneliness, and the feeling of being unwanted or unloved. I see such students suffering in my own school, so I try to reach out to these students who I know are hurting by simply saying hello, and acknowledging them by name. Following Mother Teresa’s example, I try to maintain a positive attitude, and smile at everyone I come in contact with, especially those who seem withdrawn and lonely. I especially strive, however, to be a friend to those who need it most. The students that have nowhere to go at lunch know that they are always welcome to come sit with me, and students that feel alone know that I am always available and eager to listen to them, and to simply be a friend when they have no one else. Just as Mother Teresa worked to heal every person she met without looking for praise and attention, I try to be a positive light in my community, and reach out to those who need it most. The reward of simply knowing that I have made someone’s day better is far greater than any physical award or recognition that I might receive by promoting my actions.

Quietly performing small acts of great love that no one else sees except God, fills my spirit and strengthens my character. I have learned from following the example of Blessed Mother Teresa. Though she died just a few years after I was born, her work lives on in the thousands that she physically cared for, and in those whom she inspired through her goodness. Profound loneliness can be foud within our own family, school, and community. A simple smile or an invitation to sit together is a quiet expression of love. Mother Teresa’s flawless character was exemplified through her daily selfless acts of love. She impressed upon me the importance of being someone whose eyes recognize the lonely who live among us, so that my heart is ready to reach out to them and love them.

Character Matters by Dana Harju

Character Matters Essay Contest, 3^rd Place, High School Division

My father has been the biggest influence on my character. As a young adult, he was a fierce alcoholic and spent the majority of his twenties wreaking havoc and breaking laws left and right. When my mom got pregnant with me, he decided to clean up his act and got a steady job, quit smoking, and joined AA. The influence of the program on my life has been astounding. My house is a hub of activity for those seeking recovery from alcoholism, and people from all walks of life are welcome. Oftentimes, I will walk in to find someone I’ve never seen before, sometimes looking a little scruffy or under the weather, washing the dishes or talking with a few other regulars on the patio. Because of my dad’s responsibility and realization that he needed to change, my life has been significantly better than it would have been had he stayed on his former path. Because of him, I have been taught acceptance, responsibility, compassion, faith, and integrity.

I grew up in Ocean Beach, which is probably one of the most diverse places in Southern California. Virtually from birth, I have been taught to accept others for who they are and to resist judging them as much as possible. To use a metaphor from a book I read a few years ago, I have always been a “Scooper” more than a “Filterer,” taking things as they are rather than criticizing and then accepting, or criticizing and rejecting. As I have aged, I have developed a bit of a filter, though I try to accept people wholeheartedly and without judgment. The myriad of people I have been exposed to through AA and from living on Ocean Beach have only helped me with this.

My dad, mom, and stepmom are all responsible people, and they have influenced me to try to be as responsible as possible. Though I have my slip ups, I do my best to be dependable and trustworthy. As a teenager, I, of course, am not the most responsible of people, but I do realize the value of the trait and do m best.

My mom and grandma both have an admirable sense of the sanctity of life. My mom is a humane officer, and my grandma was a high school biology teacher. Both of them have impressed on me the value of life, human or otherwise. As little kids catching bugs, my grandma encouraged my sister and me to be gentle and release them safely back onto whichever bush we found them on. She taught us that every life, no matter how small, is worth the same. My mom saves the lives of animals as a job, and she has taught me the importance of adopting versus buying from breeders. All of our cats have either been adopted or inherited from a friend who could not keep them any longer. I owe both my mom and my grandma for my sense of compassion towards human, animals, and even insects.

Both of my parents tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. They are trusting people, as is my sister. My dad is a good judge of character and often lets people seeking recovery in AA stay in our house for a night or two. Though I am sure some of his confidence comes from the fact that he could physically dominate anyone staying in our house, our doors are always open to anyone in the program, and our home is considered a safe haven for many.

For the most part, I owe my character values to my family. The values I find most important are those prominent in those who are around me and those who raised me, mostly because I was lucky enough to be raised by good people, for lack of a better word. Growing up in Ocean Beach has given me a different perspective than what I would possess had I been brought up in a different place. For as long as I can remember, my family has lived with the mentality of “Mi casa es su casa,” my home is your home, and we have always possessed the surfer-family attitude of hang loose, take it easy, and similar mindsets. Because of my family, I have acquired a fairly well-rounded and solid sense of character.

The Other Side of the Report Card

The school year begins with “school chiefs” and others pushing national and state standards, applying pressure to increase students’ test scores, and promoting “laserlike, focused efforts” on the teaching of math, science, and reading. Few school leaders talked about the “citizenship side” of the report card. Yet, it is this side of the report card that tells the real story about student achievement and behavior because it assesses social and emotional skills, and character traits. The “citizenship” side of the card should not take second place in the “race to the top.” Why?

Michelle Borba, the author of the book, Building Moral Intelligence, writes: “Today’s kids are being raised in a much more morally toxic atmosphere than previous generations for two reasons. First, a number of critical social factors that nurture moral character are slowly disintegrating: adult supervision, models of moral behavior, spiritual or religious training, meaningful adult relationships, personalized schools, clear national values, community support, stability, and adequate parents. Second, our kids are being steadily bombarded with outside messages that go against the values we are trying to instill. Both factors make it much harder for parents to raise moral kids.”

There is concern enough for Newsweek (September 2004) to run a theme issue titled, “How to Say NO to Your Kids: Setting Limits in the Age of Excess.” The Josephsen’s Institute’s annual poll of teens reveals a rather high percentage of teens who cheat, steal, lie, and exhibit a “propensity toward violence” including bullying. Teacher polls show that teachers find students to be less respectful, more aggressive, more impulsive and impatient, and display more inappropriate language. One observer of the youth culture noted that the mantra of the “ME” generations appears to be: “I Know My Rights - I Want It Now - Someone Else Is To Blame - I'm A Victim.”

The other side of the report card also underscores the importance of social and emotional skills in the workplace. For example, the top five traits/qualities that Fortune 500 companies seek in employees are: teamwork, problem solving, interpersonal skills, communicating skills, and the ability to listen. Thomas Stanley, in his book, The Millionaire Mind, reports that a polling of 5,000 millionaires reveal that crucial to their success was integrity (being honest), discipline (self-control), social skills (getting along) and hard work (perseverance).

As we think about these observations and the citizenship side of our children’s report cards it might be wise to ask three questions:

1. Do we really believe that children are born “morally literate?”

2. Do we believe that they need to be taught to be moral (knowing the difference between right and wrong) and ethical (doing what is right) at home, in school, and in the community?

3. If we want our children to be good, caring, empathetic human beings, do we let this happen by chance or do we help them develop positive social and emotional skills?

We require, push, demand, cajole our children to learn the basic skills of reading, writing, and computing. But what is more basic than nurturing them to be caring, civil, responsible, respectful human beings who know and practice the “Golden Rule”? Daniel Goleman in his book, Emotional Intelligence, notes that IQ accounts for about 20% of success in life while the remaining 80% is attributed to factors related to emotional intelligence, such as self–awareness, managing emotions, empathy, social consciousness, self-restraint, and nurturing positive relationships.

In this new school year, let all of us join the many schools and communities in this county who are attending to the “citizenship” side of the report card by implementing programs designed to teach students democratic values, prosocial skills, emotional control and anger management, critical thinking, ethical decision-making, and what it means to be a good citizenship.

Ed DeRoche, Director

Character Development Center

University of San Diego

619-260-2250

Michele Borba at 2010 Character Matters Conference

Character Matters Conference 2010

Character Development Center Director, Ed DeRoche speakswith conference attendees at the annual summer conference.

2009/10 Character Matters Essay Contest Winners

Elementary School Division

Patrice Nguyen
1st Place

Steven Shoemaker
2nd Place

Nicole Dohner
3rd Place


Middle School Division

Susan Rahman
1st Place

Elise Church
2nd Place

Rosie D’Amato
3rd Place


High School Division

Michelle Savrese
1st Place

Tammy Truong
2nd Place

Brianna Brewster
3rd Place

McMillin Elementary School

Patricia McGinty, who received her Specialist Certificate in Character Development several years ago, has presented at our annual Character Development Conference and has instructed our online courses. She is a first grade teacher at McMillin Elementary School in Chula Vista where great strides are being made to give students the positive skills they will need to thrive in the world they will inherit. She shared the following article with us about McMillin's success in implementing the Anti-Defamation League's - No Place for Hate® initiative.

McMillin Elementary School is Committed to Becoming No Place for Hate®

Date: February 8, 2010

As part of their commitment to becoming No Place for Hate®, McMillin Elementary School, part of the Chula Vista Elementary School District, recently conducted two activities that enhance students’ appreciation for diversity and foster respect for others.

All K-6 grade students participated in Mix It Up Lunch Day. Their Peace Patrol members and PTA helped students find their numbered tables and led them to a lunch time of new conversations with new friends. This day helped students become more comfortable interacting with new people and gave them a chance to make new friends. Being able to sit with somebody different created many opportunities for friendships that might not have developed otherwise.

McMillin Elementary also held their annual Ability Awareness Celebration. Community members with a variety of disability experiences spent two days sharing about societal issues that impact people with disabilities. Students learn about accessibility, assistive technology, disability history and laws, as well as attitudes and assumptions that will either support people or further disable people. Volunteers for the event were treated to lunch provided by local businesses, as well as the McMillin PTA.

The Anti-Defamation League’s No Place for Hate® initiative aims to create more harmonious communities, classrooms and workplaces by combating bias and increasing an appreciation for the richness that diversity brings. ADL commends McMillin Elementary School and the Chula Vista Elementary School District for their commitment to becoming No Place for Hate®.

Nate Kaeding at Toler Elementary

Nate Kaeding talks to students at Toler Elementary School about the importance of developing their character. Nate received his Specialist Certificate in Character Development at USD. He runs a summer camp in Iowa focusing on sports and character.

Airforce Academy

U.S. Airforce Academy staff from The Center for Character and Leadership in Colorado Springs earn their Specialist Certificates in Character Development.

Alumni Updates

Jan Olsson

Jan Olsson, Principal of Huntsville High in Ontario, earned his Specialist Certificate in Character Development at USD several years ago and has presented at the annual Character Development Conference along with his mother, Eva Olsson, Holocaust survivor. We are proud to learn that Jan was among one of 32 Canadian Principals named Outstanding Principal for 2010. Jan has been an administrator at the school for 10 years, the last 4 as Principal. He is a published author, and has been credited with pushing the bar higher for character development throughout the Trillium Lakelands District School Board.

Reading- Boys – Stories - Character

One of the educators who just completed an online course with us did a project that sparked my interest by offering some views about boys, reading, and character development. This teacher reviewed 15 books with interesting and motivating stories about values and virtues and suggested how teachers could use the stories to teach reading skills and positive character traits. This project reminded me of my own reading experiences and my teaching of elementary and middle school boys.

I did not like to read when I was in school. In fact, I was a poor/slow reader. I know this because in my elementary grades there were no girls in my reading group. It was my assumption that the girls were better readers. The teacher usually sat the boys together and gave us our reading lessons just before recess. Our theory was that our teacher needed an immediate break after spending a half hour or so trying to spark our interest in reading and trying to teach us the skills of reading.

Yet I did read. I was a newspaper carrier (about 100 customers) and every day I would read the sport pages, the comic pages, about the war, and sometimes other parts of the newspaper. But this kind of reading was not what my teachers had in mind. They were into literature and books. I liked to read newspapers and some magazines and go to the movies. I read my first complete book (The Old Grey Homestead) the summer I graduated from high school. I have been catching up ever since.

My experiences confirm what is reported in the research that suggests that girls perform better than boys on literacy assessment and that the gap between the two increases with age. I also found another research result—that boys see reading as a “girls” activity and “in conflict with their sense of masculinity.” Other researchers note boys have difficulty “understanding narrative text, but do better with informational text.” (Was that why I liked reading newspapers daily?)

As I look back at my early teaching years I recall that the boys in our school who were experiencing literacy problems were more than likely to be held back a grade; to be involved in bullying, violence, and unruly behavior in classes; to be suspended or expelled; to be in detention hall; to be in reading clinics and special reading programs; and, it seemed at the time, to drop out before completing high school.

I remember how Stan (the math teacher), Alice (the school reading specialist) and I decided that we would try instructional strategies that would play to the boys’ interests, needs, and learning styles with more project-based experiences (we didn’t call it project-based learning at that time), more real-life materials (newspapers, magazines, etc.), and more hands-on lessons. We also focused on their motivations and attitudes, their behavior and such social skills as manners, courtesy, and respect. Recently I read that successful literacy programs are able to teach at-risk students to make connections between their lives and what they know, and to engage in conversations about what they are reading and their own lives. We tried to do this.

So, for many boys, there is a need to teach them literacy skills such as reading, writing, and communication at the same time that they are taught behavioral skills such as respect, responsibility, self-discipline, manners, and courtesy.

By Ed DeRoche, Ph.D.

Character Development Center

Peace Education

This is the month we celebrate peace on earth and goodwill to all. Thus, this is a good time to “generate opportunities for continuous reflection and professional development of all educators in relation to issues of peace, justice and rights." (Peace Education in UNICEF Working Paper Series, July 1999)

Peace education is about curriculum and instructional strategies encompassing the virtues/skills that
• underscore good character and citizenship
• help students learn alternatives to violence
• encourages adults and students to create a school and home environment that is peaceful and conducive to nonviolent attitudes and behavior

Peace education is about helping students learn skills such as
• identifying bias
• problem solving
• sharing and cooperation
• shared decision making
• analysis and critical thinking
• enhancing the self esteem of oneself and others
• ability to imagine life beyond the present and work towards a vision
• understanding the links between the personal, local and global factors
• communicating through careful observation, honest talk and sensitive listening
• positive emotional expression, recognizing and expressing feelings in ways that are not aggressive or destructive
• using conflict resolution strategies
• being empathic and engaging in nonviolent action in relation to problems both personal and societal. (http://ppu.org.uk/learn/peaceed)


As I write this blog entry I just finished reading two articles on a form of “bullying” where middle school kids mimicked content from a 2005 episode of “South Park." One school in the east reported that some of their students participated in “Hit a Jew” Day. Also, this month some Los Angeles middle school students attacked red-haired students on “Kick a Ginger Day.” These incidents accentuate the need for peace education.

So, what do we know?
1) We know the peace education skills that should be taught and learned in schools and homes.
2) We know we have peace education curricular and resources. (See a few examples below)
3) We know we have effective teaching and learning methods.
4) We know that we need to start off the new year with a concerted effort to promote peace in our schools, homes, and neighborhoods.


Web sites
The Peace Alliance
Education World
Safe and Civil Schools
Peace Education Foundation
Educating for Peace
First School
America's Children - Problems and Solutions
Peace Education Center - Columbia University

Ed DeRoche, Ph.D.

Matters of Character

For more Matters of Character videos visit our You Tube Channel

Teaching Social-Emotional 21st Century Skills

“It flashes back to McCain’s high school days when the principal reported bad grades to his dad, whose only question was not about grades but whether his son had violated the school honor code—has he lied or cheated? When told he had not, his fathers said, “Well call me if he does.” - In Bob Schieffer’s America - referencing a film scene in “Faith of Our Fathers”

School experiences are more than just learning subject matter, earning good grades, and “acing” tests. In retrospect we can recall school experiences that taught us life-long lessons about virtues and vices, good and bad choices, and positive and negative relationships.

Do we want children to learned the virtues of respect, responsibility, honesty, trustworthiness, and empathy? Do today’s youth need guidance in helping them learn to make good, ethical choices? Do students need to learn how to develop positive relationships and useful social skills? Do they need insight into the powerful role emotions play in how one behaves?

We may strive to have “no child left behind” and we may want to enter our children in a “race to the top” academically, but these tell us little about the social and emotional skills the young need to function in this society.

• Educator Marvin Marshall reminds us that “Great leaders have understood the wisdom that education without values is not only worthless but can be counterproductive. One need look no further than the Nazi regime--certainly one of the most educated societies in engineering, science, and the arts--to understand the necessity of teaching right from wrong.”

• Dick Lyles, in his book, Winning Ways, says “it really doesn’t matter how smart you are, how much education you have or how well you understand technology if you don’t know how to work effectively with others.”

• The 2006 Occupational Outlook Report for San Diego County notes that 21^st century employees need to be able to work independently and as team members, possess interpersonal and management skills, have communication skills, and knowledge of various cultures and backgrounds.

School and community programs for social-emotional development are focusing on these key words, concepts, and lessons:

Responsibility: In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Sean Covey urges teens to take responsibility for their lives, to be proactive, to have a “can-do” attitude, and to think about solutions and options to problem situations. Two maxims for developing the skills of responsibility and respect might be: “you break it, you own it,” and “respect and responsibility are to positive relationships as location is to real estate.”

Emotions: Lately, we have read and seen numerous stories about emotional behaviors showing love and compassion, hate and violence, fear and disrespect, aggravation and anger. In some cases, it may be best to pay special attention to the emotion of “Anger.” Eleanor Roosevelt noted that Anger “is only one letter short of danger!” She suggested that “ to handle yourself, use your head, to handle others, use your heart!”

It is not to early to help students while they are in school to develop skills that show them how to manage their emotions, control their impulses, set goals, handle stress and develop positive human relationships. We know that these skills, if mastered, can have a profound effect on their academic and social-emotional lives.

Choice-Chances-Consequences: Making good choices are one of the basic ingredients for the promotion of pro-social values and emotional control. They need to learn that they are responsible for the way they act. Former professional football player and military officer, Pat Tillman, reflecting on an incident of violence in his senior year in high school noted, “ I learned more from that one bad decision than all of the good decisions I’ve ever made. It made me realize that stuff you do has repercussions. You can lose everything.” Dumbledore says to Harry Potter, “It is about choices, Harry, that show that we truly are far more than our abilities.”

Empathy: Students need to experience the benefits of being a service to others, developing a feel for what it means to walk in another person’s shoes, and to practice the Golden Rule. Psychologist Daniel Goleman, the author of several books on “emotional intelligence,” says “if you can’t have empathy and if you have ineffective relationships, no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far with it.”

Attitude and Achievement (performance): Attitudes, positive or negative, are a result of our inner conversations, the way we talk to ourselves. Jay Leno recently wrote, “A good attitude can always make the difference.” Former football coach Lou Holtz says, “ability is what you are capable of doing; motivation determines what you do; and attitude determines how well you do it.” A truism: “Negative attitudes drain, positive attitudes fuel.”

Not one of these social-emotional skills is hereditary. They are all learned behaviors. They must be taught and caught by the young. Individual exhortations by a president, a parent, a principal will not do it. We need a team approach, a community effort. A TEAM effort includes teaching students social-emotional skills. It means enforcing these life-long skills so no child is left behind socially and emotionally. It means that adults should be advocates for helping students “build their inner strength…to do what’s right.” And, most importantly, it means showing our youth how we adults model the skills we teach and advocate. “The young need positive models to imitate, read about, discuss, reflect upon, analyze, and practice via personal stories, literature, and real life examples.” The lesson: “what is modeled is imitated!”

Ed DeRoche, Director

Character Development Center, University of San Diego

character@sandiego.edu

National Forum on Character Education

At the Character Education Partnership Conference in Alexandria, Virginia, Colin Powell received the first ever "American Patriot of Character Award" for exemplifying the founding principals of democracy and exhibiting the highest ethical standards in service of the common good. His talk focused on a common good that reached from our homes, to our schools, to our communities, and beyond the borders of our country. He talked about his parents, who were immigrants from Jamaica, instilling in him a strong sense of responsibility to the greater good and he applauded the efforts of all those who are doing their part to be positive role models, inspiring young people to enter the world with the skills to live successfully and to lift humanity.

Part 1


Part 2