“It flashes back to McCain’s high school days when the principal reported bad grades to his dad, whose only question was not about grades but whether his son had violated the school honor code—has he lied or cheated? When told he had not, his fathers said, “Well call me if he does.” - In Bob Schieffer’s America - referencing a film scene in “Faith of Our Fathers”
• Educator Marvin Marshall reminds us that “Great leaders have understood the wisdom that education without values is not only worthless but can be counterproductive. One need look no further than the Nazi regime--certainly one of the most educated societies in engineering, science, and the arts--to understand the necessity of teaching right from wrong.”
• Dick Lyles, in his book, Winning Ways, says “it really doesn’t matter how smart you are, how much education you have or how well you understand technology if you don’t know how to work effectively with others.”
• The 2006 Occupational Outlook Report for San Diego County notes that 21st century employees need to be able to work independently and as team members, possess interpersonal and management skills, have communication skills, and knowledge of various cultures and backgrounds.
School and community programs for social-emotional development are focusing on these key words, concepts, and lessons:
Responsibility: In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Sean Covey urges teens to take responsibility for their lives, to be proactive, to have a “can-do” attitude, and to think about solutions and options to problem situations. Two maxims for developing the skills of responsibility and respect might be: “you break it, you own it,” and “respect and responsibility are to positive relationships as location is to real estate.”
Emotions: Lately, we have read and seen numerous stories about emotional behaviors showing love and compassion, hate and violence, fear and disrespect, aggravation and anger. In some cases, it may be best to pay special attention to the emotion of “Anger.” Eleanor Roosevelt noted that Anger “is only one letter short of danger!” She suggested that “ to handle yourself, use your head, to handle others, use your heart!”
It is not to early to help students while they are in school to develop skills that show them how to manage their emotions, control their impulses, set goals, handle stress and develop positive human relationships. We know that these skills, if mastered, can have a profound effect on their academic and social-emotional lives.
Choice-Chances-Consequences: Making good choices are one of the basic ingredients for the promotion of pro-social values and emotional control. They need to learn that they are responsible for the way they act. Former professional football player and military officer, Pat Tillman, reflecting on an incident of violence in his senior year in high school noted, “ I learned more from that one bad decision than all of the good decisions I’ve ever made. It made me realize that stuff you do has repercussions. You can lose everything.” Dumbledore says to Harry Potter, “It is about choices, Harry, that show that we truly are far more than our abilities.”
Empathy: Students need to experience the benefits of being a service to others, developing a feel for what it means to walk in another person’s shoes, and to practice the Golden Rule. Psychologist Daniel Goleman, the author of several books on “emotional intelligence,” says “if you can’t have empathy and if you have ineffective relationships, no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far with it.”
Attitude and Achievement (performance): Attitudes, positive or negative, are a result of our inner conversations, the way we talk to ourselves. Jay Leno recently wrote, “A good attitude can always make the difference.” Former football coach Lou Holtz says, “ability is what you are capable of doing; motivation determines what you do; and attitude determines how well you do it.” A truism: “Negative attitudes drain, positive attitudes fuel.”
Not one of these social-emotional skills is hereditary. They are all learned behaviors. They must be taught and caught by the young. Individual exhortations by a president, a parent, a principal will not do it. We need a team approach, a community effort. A TEAM effort includes teaching students social-emotional skills. It means enforcing these life-long skills so no child is left behind socially and emotionally. It means that adults should be advocates for helping students “build their inner strength…to do what’s right.” And, most importantly, it means showing our youth how we adults model the skills we teach and advocate. “The young need positive models to imitate, read about, discuss, reflect upon, analyze, and practice via personal stories, literature, and real life examples.” The lesson: “what is modeled is imitated!”
Character Development Center, University of San Diego
character@sandiego.edu
