By Ed DeRoche
"If your
emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you
are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and
have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not
going to get very far." - Professor Daniel
Goleman
Over the past month, we have had informal discussions at the
Center about violence from bullying to bullets. Teachers and parents,
given the events of the past few months, seem to be struggling to find ways and
resources to help their children be more in touch with their feelings and
concerns about what happens to themselves and others. Thus, I want to say a few words about empathy.
Reflecting on our discussions, I began asking myself
some questions about the emotions of sympathy and empathy. For example, the cards, flowers, letters
that the Sandy Hook tragedy generated - were those the expressions of sympathy or
empathy?
Other questions kept popping up.
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What is empathy?
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Is empathy different than sympathy?
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How does one learn to be emphatic? Can it be taught?
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Does the emotion “kick-in“ only when one actually experiences
a personal or social tragedy?
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Do we teach empathy in our schools? Is empathy in the curriculum?
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What do teachers have to know? How do teachers teach it?
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How do parents teach it?
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Where and how do the young learn to be
sympathetic-empathetic?
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What resources are available for teachers and parents?
So, like any good researcher, I “googled” the topic! As you might expect there is a rich array
of information. For example, I
discovered that there is a difference between sympathy and empathy. I discovered that there are three types
of empathy. I found out that there
are many resources available to teachers and parents. No 700-word blog will be able to
thoroughly answer all of these questions. The best I can do here is highlight three discoveries.
Discovery One: There is a difference between
sympathy and empathy.
Empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others. It goes beyond Sympathy, which is a feeling of care
and understanding for the suffering of others. Both words have similar usage but differ in their emotional
meaning….Empathy (is) understanding what someone else is feeling because you
have experienced it yourself or can put yourself in his/her shoes. Sympathy (is) acknowledging a person’s
emotional hardships and providing comfort and assurance. http://www.diffen.com/
There is much more to it then
these simple definitions. My current
view is that there is probably a continuum that begins with the development of
an understanding and practicing of sympathy (caring, compassion, etc.) that
may “graduate” to enabling one to
really experience the empathic stage.
Discovery Two: There are three types of empathy—cognitive, emotional, and
compassionate.
Sam Chaltain (www.samchaltain.com), in his blog, “The Empathy Formula,” offers a “formula”
based on the works of Goleman and Ekman (Emotional
Intelligence). In summary, the first stage of becoming
empathetic is cognitive empathy - the act of knowing how another person feels. The capacity to
physically feel the emotions of another is identified as emotional empathy. Compassionate empathy is the combination
of cognitive and emotional empathy to take action about what one feels and
thinks.
Discovery Three: There are resources for
teachers, counselors and parents/guardians.
Three examples will
suffice.
a)
Roots of Empathy (http://www.rootsofempathy.orgb) Second Step (http://www.cfchildren.org/
c) Tribes (http://tribes.com/about/
We
have resources here at the Center that we will be pleased to send to anyone who
responds to this blog or emails us at character@sandiego.edu.
I
will end the blog with this quote:
“How young children FEEL is as important as how they
think, and how they are TREATED is as important as what they are taught.“ - Jack Shonkoff, co-editor, Neurons
to Neighborhoods
