Character Matters by Dana Harju

Character Matters Essay Contest, 3^rd Place, High School Division

My father has been the biggest influence on my character. As a young adult, he was a fierce alcoholic and spent the majority of his twenties wreaking havoc and breaking laws left and right. When my mom got pregnant with me, he decided to clean up his act and got a steady job, quit smoking, and joined AA. The influence of the program on my life has been astounding. My house is a hub of activity for those seeking recovery from alcoholism, and people from all walks of life are welcome. Oftentimes, I will walk in to find someone I’ve never seen before, sometimes looking a little scruffy or under the weather, washing the dishes or talking with a few other regulars on the patio. Because of my dad’s responsibility and realization that he needed to change, my life has been significantly better than it would have been had he stayed on his former path. Because of him, I have been taught acceptance, responsibility, compassion, faith, and integrity.

I grew up in Ocean Beach, which is probably one of the most diverse places in Southern California. Virtually from birth, I have been taught to accept others for who they are and to resist judging them as much as possible. To use a metaphor from a book I read a few years ago, I have always been a “Scooper” more than a “Filterer,” taking things as they are rather than criticizing and then accepting, or criticizing and rejecting. As I have aged, I have developed a bit of a filter, though I try to accept people wholeheartedly and without judgment. The myriad of people I have been exposed to through AA and from living on Ocean Beach have only helped me with this.

My dad, mom, and stepmom are all responsible people, and they have influenced me to try to be as responsible as possible. Though I have my slip ups, I do my best to be dependable and trustworthy. As a teenager, I, of course, am not the most responsible of people, but I do realize the value of the trait and do m best.

My mom and grandma both have an admirable sense of the sanctity of life. My mom is a humane officer, and my grandma was a high school biology teacher. Both of them have impressed on me the value of life, human or otherwise. As little kids catching bugs, my grandma encouraged my sister and me to be gentle and release them safely back onto whichever bush we found them on. She taught us that every life, no matter how small, is worth the same. My mom saves the lives of animals as a job, and she has taught me the importance of adopting versus buying from breeders. All of our cats have either been adopted or inherited from a friend who could not keep them any longer. I owe both my mom and my grandma for my sense of compassion towards human, animals, and even insects.

Both of my parents tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. They are trusting people, as is my sister. My dad is a good judge of character and often lets people seeking recovery in AA stay in our house for a night or two. Though I am sure some of his confidence comes from the fact that he could physically dominate anyone staying in our house, our doors are always open to anyone in the program, and our home is considered a safe haven for many.

For the most part, I owe my character values to my family. The values I find most important are those prominent in those who are around me and those who raised me, mostly because I was lucky enough to be raised by good people, for lack of a better word. Growing up in Ocean Beach has given me a different perspective than what I would possess had I been brought up in a different place. For as long as I can remember, my family has lived with the mentality of “Mi casa es su casa,” my home is your home, and we have always possessed the surfer-family attitude of hang loose, take it easy, and similar mindsets. Because of my family, I have acquired a fairly well-rounded and solid sense of character.